The old running guys

This has been a week to think about growing old.  I'm not talking about myself, at present anyway, despite an aching knee and limited mobility.  Considering that I won't have a "real" job for about a year and a half, I feel young and ready to get started.  That aching knee will be healed in another few months, if I play my cards right now.  What I mean is that a series of coincidences in reading and observing have made really think about aging, both in terms of the future and in terms of how those thoughts might change my present actions. 

In my neigborhood there are a group of men -- old men -- who seem to be out running constantly.  One is so thin and his skin so slack that he is nearly cadaveric.  He runs every day, shirtless in the summer, wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt at other times.  I see him walking with his wife and dog at other times, and he seems to be enjoying himself although I've never seen him smile.  Another lives only a few houses down, not so thin, but is even more dedicated.  He shuffles, hunched over, for hours at a time.  He often runs with his son, who slows his pace to allow the father to keep up.  He's not so old, perhaps, but he runs like it, so in this context it counts.  There is a white-bearded man whom I see less frequently, because he lives in a different part of the neighborhood.  He seems really old, and although his gait is steadier and stronger than the other two, his muscles hang from the bones.  You can see traces of what must have been a strong frame.  There is the still-very-fit but aging man who runs bolt upright with a dog tag on.  His flesh is in no way slack, and  I would like to have him on my side in a fight, if the idea of me in a fight weren't so patently ridiculous.  Finally, there are dozens of other old men who run in and around my neighborhood, whom I don't know but I'm sure have running stories just the same.


I read a fantastic article in the New Yorker (the link is not to the article but to a poorly written "abstract" of it), an essay by the poet Donald Hall, as he considered his own aging from his armchair looking out of his window.  I also came across a great how-to-live-your-life-from-the-perspective-of-the-deathbed essay by way of a Facebook posting.  The subject is trite but I was touched.  It wasn't about aging, per se, but was about the regrets that people have before they die.  Aging is a bit of a foreign territory for me; although I am a physician and have helped people through the processes of aging and dying, the vast majority of my training and experience are with children.  I suppose as anyone's parents age this becomes a little more familiar, but for me it is only just starting to really seep into my everyday consciousness.

Where does this leave me?  Certainly not thinking about mortality yet, but thinking a little bit more acutely about how I want to live life.  As my faithful readers will know, creating and inhabiting a home has been at the forefront of my mind, especially as we (my wife and I) are still recovering from too many moves in too short a period, and as our children grow into personhood and develop their own sense of home.  I realized today in the car that up until now I have been framing this as a question of living in the present -- i.e. if I could only live in the present more fully, none of the moving around and uncertainty about the future would matter so much.  But perhaps I should frame it in the opposite way:  I am focusing so much about living in the present that I lose sight of thinking about the future in a meaningful way.  Watching the old men run brings the future back into focus, for a time.

Life from the couch

It has been a week since my knee surgery. The operation went pretty much as planned (I will scan and post photos sometime soon), with some degeneration but no actual tear of my meniscus. The whole problem was that the meniscus was abnormally shaped to begin with ("discoid" - a flat disk rather than a wedge or saucer shape), leaving it more susceptible to injury and more biomechanically abnormal than most. Could this explain the longstanding pattern of right-sided injuries in my past?

In any case, I have progressed from spending most of the day on my couch with occasional crutch forays about the house, to spending most of the day at work with plenty of couch time at home and occasional walking without crutches. It is a bit of a struggle to keep the knee rested when not doing PT, but frequent icing and elevation have helped. It is satisfying to have tangible and daily progress in how much I am able to do and tolerate, although the slow and incremental nature of the progress makes it very hard to picture a return to "normal" activity. As a friend said to me yesterday, though, I do have the rest of my life...

The side benefit of being less active at home is twofold. First, I have had some of the most pleasurable reading time in recent years, including a bicycle repair manual, journal articles for work, and luxuriously long New Yorker articles on random topics. I have to grudgingly admit that there has been some attenuation of my attention span due to Facebook, Twitter, the iPhone, and other information streams; so now it is nice to be able to (or really, to be unable to do anything but) read. Second, the current situation has opened up new ways of interacting with my children. Today we spent some truly fun time just lounging on the couch and watching a movie together. Less fun is when the three of them squeal as they run off with my crutches, brace, ace bandages, ice packs, etc.; even so I secretly revel in being able to watch them have so much fun.

Finally, I have to point out how generous, caring, and wonderful my wife has been through the process. The first few days after surgery I could do almost nothing, so I got to be there for whole days to watch and listen to Jess as a mother: a patient, creative, effective, and energetic parent. This, in addition to taking care of a fourth "child" who just happens to be her poor postoperative husband.

Not exercising is a challenge, but the longer I am able to make peace with limitations now, the sooner I will be back out there.

Retrospective and Resolutions

I conceived of this post as a 2011 retrospective, with some 2012 resolutions thrown in.  Having looked back on the year through iPhoto, Facebook timeline, and this blog, I came away with a few surprises and a few memories.  Current state probably influences memory more than the past events themselves, so I will say that after a wonderful few days at home, a great afternoon, and a cold beer in the backyard while the kids played, the year's memories seem pretty darn good.  I don't think that's far from the truth.

As far as fitness goes, this was an odd year.  My knee has been "acting up" since October 2010 (and was probably injured about a year before that), so my running has been just weird.  I had a good training cycle through the fall of 2010 despite the knee, and this paid off big time in February 2011 with a P.R. marathon here in town.  Running since then has been spotty, and I am in fact having surgery on my right lateral meniscus in three days.  I do think there is a good chance it will help, and look forward the the post-rehab "Don't call it a comeback..."  The beauty of an injury, in truth, is that it helps you focus on other things.  In no particular order, I have spent a lot of time on yoga, lifting, and road biking.  A highlight of the year was traveling to Georgia with my good friend Gary and riding the Three Gap Fifty, the mini-version of the Six Gap Century.  Yoga has acted as a semi-spiritual bridge between working out and meditation (a need previously fulfilled by running).  Lifting continues to feel good.  Currently, I have also sprained my right wrist, so all my activities are limited, but that, too, has its place and time.

Food has been another focus of the year.  As with most of us, I have been trying to get ride of that "last" 5 or 10 pounds for quite a while -- don't worry, I don't think I'm fat, but I know my weight and body shape when I've been really fit.  After some unsuccessful and perhaps fairly insincere attempts to eat better or less, I finally gave the "Paleo" concept a try, and holy shit, it worked.  For six weeks, six days a week, I ate only meat, vegetables, fruit, beans, and nuts/seeds.  Beer was allowed.  The seventh day was "cheat day."  By the end of the six weeks I had lost 7-8 pounds, was fitting into pants I haven't worn since 2004, and definitely noticed an improvement in energy level.  I try very hard to avoid proselytizing diets (or anything, for that matter), and I am still working to integrate this into my everyday, permanent life -- perhaps cycling the diet for six weeks on and two weeks off -- but it has been quite a good thing for me at this time.

Although this has been primarily a "fitness" blog - a little more varied than in 2010 since I haven't been able to run much, there are more important things in life than fitness.  What else has happened this year?  I continue to enjoy and treasure my family - my wife and our three children - as we grow and develop a sense of internal home-ness. Slowly but surely we are moving forward from the utter shock (and awe) of raising young children after a fairly active and free single and early married life.  We are fortunate to be living near my parents, and to be involved in a wonderful church (not coincidentally, the church I grew up in).  It has been challenging to continue moving around while I complete (slog through?) medical training:  challenging to develop a true feeling of home, challenging to nurture friendships and relationships, andchallenging to feel settled.  We do have wonderful friends here, wonderful friends elsewhere, and a large and loving extended family.

Our major vacation this summer was a long road trip to visit old friends and see family, and it was a true highlight of the year.  This was actually an awakening to what adventures we are capable of in this (still) new phase of life.  While the road trip may have been a crystallizing event, gardening has been the slow-burn, everyday reminder of family togetherness, growth, creativity, and fun.  We are fortunate in Florida to have two growing seasons per year, and although the productivity may not have been high, it has been a tonic to prepare the earth and plant with the children, to eat fresh herbs every night with dinner, and to go and inspect the rows every evening.

Looking forward by first looking backward:  how did the resolutions for 2011 hold up (the first list was of general goals, the second list was fitness-related goals)?
1) Presence.
   --> sometimes2) Develop the less cynical, humbler, and less judgmental self.
  --> still needs to come out3) Meet Jess's needs and wants before my own.
  --> I hope this happened enough, but I want to make it happen much more.4) Garden and eat the food!
  --> Yes!!

1) Maintain consistently healthful diet - devise a sustainable way to deal with temptations, convenience, etc.

  --> Finally, yes.

     - This includes reducing caffeine intake to a reasonable level.

          --> A cruel joke.
2) Regular yoga to lead to meditation alone.

  --> Not yet, but working on it.
3) Real periodization of training. (i.e. approach it like real training!)

  --> Some success

3) Regular cycling and leg strength training to begin after February marathon, to prevent recurrence of knee injury

  --> Happening

4) Regular speed/tempo training (running).

  --> For the future.

6) Repeat p90x with Jess!! (Start date: mid-March)

  --> Not interested for now.

7) Plan +/- train for ultramarathons to progress to 100 mile run.

  --> For the future

8) Less drama about getting up for pre-dawn workouts - just do it.

  --> Unsuccessful.

So what about 2012 resolutions?  Here is what I had come up with as of New Year's Eve:
1. Bike to work consistently.
2. Less caffeine.
3. Regular time of day for exercise.
4. Focus on injury prevention
5. Tolerate more "chaos" at home -- a combination of being present and controlling anxiety!
6. Continue cycled paleo diet.
7. Make a career decision (i.e. get a job versus further training) and don't look back.


But, just today I saw that a friend had posted Woody Guthrie's 1942 New Years Resolutions, which summarize the heart of the matter far better.  So, I leave you with that.

Ephemera

There have been some very memorable moments in the last few weeks, and I even jotted (or the modern equivalent) a few of them down.

Two weekends ago, when the weather was a bit hot, I took a nice long bike ride, added too much powder to my Gatorade, and had to drink a syrupy concoction for nearly three hours. On the plus side, I ran afterwards, making that my first brick in at least five years! I'm not planning a triumphant return to triathlon anytime soon, but it felt pretty good. On same bike ride I had a long burst of unexpected energy - not from a tailwind as is the usual cause.

A more exquisite and ephemeral moment was the first bite of a porcini and truffle oil risotto at a local restaurant (Sabore) in the midst of a very fun dinner with Jess and my parents. In my reality, a slow dinner talking with friends and family ranks right up there with a great run as one of life's true pleasures.

Somewhere in the last two weeks, Max was tired and sat still in my arms while I sang to him. He is rarely still, so just as the other day when he fell asleep across my chest it was sublime. The irony is that we have seen many different sides of Max after an accident/incident one week ago. He had his little toe partially amputated in a recliner, and after a few days of staying calm, the gruesomeness and fear started to sink in for me. It is too easy to brush it off as something minor that will have no lasting impact (which it won't), but really I think this was a big deal for us. No coincidence that for the few days he couldn't walk, his language development went crazy.

Otherwise, life has been good. Work is more stressful than I like, but I am finding much joy at home. Jess and I are both being reasonably good with the paleo-esque diet we are practicing. I've been enjoying workouts but frustrated by a mystery wrist sprain. I am looking forward to run again (more than my current 20-30 minutes), but also enjoy being motivated to cycle more by my friend Gary.

All for now.

Mojo reclamation project

The longer you go without writing, the harder it is to start again. After a week goes by, it feels like you have to have something pretty good to say. After a month goes by, it feels like you have to write a deep, lengthy, moving account of your inner life (not too depressing, mind you). But of course, the way to start writing is to just start writing. I started this blog for that purpose, after years of almost no non-medical writing. Running was, and is, a convenient jumping off point. But as this blogging thing has faded a bit in the last few months, I miss the writing, however meager, and I miss the chance to share those random thoughts and ideas that pop into my head.

So, here's what is happening:

My knee surgery is scheduled for January 4th. My latest experiment with a joint injection worked wonders--for four weeks. I hope the surgery helps (not a guarantee by any means), and I hope I have a lot of good running years left in me. If not, thought, I am proud of the fact that I went down fighting, with a PR marathon, and proud of the fact that I have cultivated yoga, cycling, and even some lifting as darn good alternatives. Still, I really hope that sticking a scope and a few surgical instruments into my knee turns out to be a good thing. If I am permitted to remain awake to watch, I'll let you know how the video turns out.

Lifting and cycling in particular have been going well. I have adopted a set of core lifting maneuvers culled from friends, crossfit, and the four hour body, and so far I have been feeling good. These include Kettlebell swings, dead lifts (one and two arm), Turkish get ups, torture twists, and the aptly named cat vomit exercise, in addition to the calisthenics and dumbbell maneuvers that I already enjoy. My cycling resurgence is in full swing, kicked off by a recent mountain ride in Georgia, with some good training rides and another century race coming up soon. Yoga is on a bit of a hold as some weird virus has re-inflamed an old wrist injury.

I  have started a paleo-esque diet, just today, so more on that as it succeeds, evolves, or fails.

Congratulations to brother Joe for a strong finish at the Savannah Rock'N'Roll half marathon!

Finally, my family is amazing, truly amazing, and I continue to gain more satisfaction, love, and enjoyment an I thought possible out of time spent with them. Highlight of the week, month, or year perhaps:

Three Gap / awash in memories

One thing that makes a race really cool for me is doing it somewhere I feel connected to.  Not that I wouldn't love to travel to do a randomly located exotic race, but I have tended to stay in places either closer to home or that have other meaning.  As an example, the ironman I did in 2003 (Great Floridian) was the same race I had a few years earlier watched a friend of mine finish, when the seed was planted for me to do that.  Most marathons and my lone ultra have been near home (Vermont City Marathon, Vermont 50, Five Points of Life in Gainesville, FL).   For bike trips, I rode Ride the Rockies in 2005, days before moving away from Colorado (also the state where both of my parents grew up).

My most recent effort, the Three Gap Fifty, fit into this pattern.  Gary Wimsett, a good friend and a fine upstanding citizen, came up with the idea after we had spent a few months discussing an adventure of some sort.  Unfortunately, we decided to go a mere six weeks before race time, leaving minimal training time.  The actual race, a road bike ride, is the "Six Gap Century," which takes place in North Georgia and has several solid climbs for a total elevation gain of 11000+ feet over 103 miles.  It sounded fun but the reality of training in flat Florida for only six weeks made us realize that the short version was a better goal.  A few of Gary's friends were doing it, and it was in an area I had visited before at least three times, for hikes on the southernmost section of the Appalachian Trail.  In fact, the place names are so burned in my memory that I felt like I would be riding through familiar territory despite never having cycled anywhere near here.   Gary and I planned to do the ride, then spend a few days hiking in the area - the makings of great road trip.

So, we trained as best we could -- in fact, as I wrote last time, I felt that the minimal but efficient training had been fruitful.  The few days before the race I felt good (though Gary was battling a respiratory infection with a little help from the pharmaceutical industry).  We packed up the car and left, each debating for a while whether we out to stick with the plan and do the 58 mile ride, or just go for the century.  As is usual for me, I changed my mind to the 100, only to change it back the morning before the race.

We met up with Gary's friends, Isaac and Dave, and stayed in Dave's brother's cabin (I think I have that right, although the "relative of a friend of a friend" relationship is a tricky one).  A fair amount of trash talking ensued as we ate a gigantic pre-race meal and watched football.  Though we went to bed early, I couldn't sleep thanks to the double espresso I had earlier that day.  Par for the course before a big event.

Riding partner, Gary

 Race day was outstanding, with temps in the high 50s and sun.  We drove to the start, and from the first few miles I knew it would be a good day.  I felt strong, and the climbs were reasonable (in fact, despite being a flatlander I felt as good as I had climbing similar hills after living and training in Colorado at altitude)  What I really enjoyed was the fun of riding, and the purity of climbing.  This is hard to explain but I have talked to others who have had the same experience -- whether walking up a long snow climb with an ice ax, pedaling in low gear for an hour straight, or running up a mountain, the meditative quality of working hard in a repetitive way while in a beautiful place is incredible.  I have never been ashamed to have and use a triple chain ring, and I used it then.  The race was well supported and the cyclists were friendly.   The toughest climb for me was Wolfpen Gap - a shorter but more consistently steep effort than the earlier longer climb up Neels Gap.  The weather got warm later in the day, but this was after the major climbs and we finished up with a sunny ride through a pleasant valley.

Recovery meal.

We finished our portion in just over 5 hours, enjoyed the post-race festivites, and went to Gary's father's house (also in the same area), where our post-race recovery "meal" spanned 48 hours.  A sampler:  spaghetti and meatballs, steak with homemade potato salad, biscuits and ham with grits and eggs, Bavarian sausage and pretzels with beer, fried chicken and potatoes, pancakes and ham.  A particularly gluttonous episode was eating and drinking the aforementioned Bavarian "snack" in Helen, GA at 3 pm knowing that friend chicken dinner awaiting us at 6 pm!  We did hike that  day, enough to loosen up our legs and enjoy the scenery (as well as make me recall, quite fondly, the 800+ mile hike I took with Jess the summer before we got married).

View from hike

Feeling good afterward

All in all, this was a great event and a great road trip.  I plan to return next year for the big boy version, and I think having that goal will provide a nice motivation to cycle more (as well as a nice distraction from not running, depending on how my knee does).  All for now.

Where to go from here / states

It continues to be a little bit odd to write a blog that has been about running when I haven't really been able to run in nearly four months. It's not that I don't have other things that I think about or want to write about, but the format seems to have lost its glue. I debated ending the blog entirely, putting it completely on hold until I am running again (if?), or some other dramatic gesture. But the reality is that running is just a means to an end, as much as I like it, and the blog is really about staying fit and trying to capture some meaningful and interesting moments in life.

So, what has been going on with my running? I have been continuing with physical therapy, including standard and like stretching and building strength in those sneaky weak muscle groups. But I have also been working on radically changing my running for, to something like a combination of the POSE technique, chi running, and the trendy barefoot running techiques that are out there. I suppose progress is difficult to measure when you are building from the ground up, but I have felt a natural flow s times with the new form, and can see how this could work well in the long run. Not bad, I suppose for changing a decade worth of cerebellar neural connections. So, in order, my goals are simply to be able to run again for fun and fitness, to be able to run mid or long distances and return to marathons, and to pursue the long term goal of running a 100 miler in the next 5-10 years. We shall see, but I haven't given up yet by a long shot.

In the meanwhile I have been continuing to explore yoga, lifting/calisthenics, cycling, and swimming. I haven't forgotten the 100 day clean living challenge, although the first 35 days were more successful than days 36-70. Put in the context of summer vacation, though, I suppose staying reasonably fit and eating reasonably well is success after all, even if I am no closer to returning to "race weight" now than on day 1. I will tell you that reconnecting with friends and family, which was really the unifying theme of our vacation, did resonate with the spiritual / intentional living portion of the clean living challenge, so in the last 30 days I will commit to getting back on track in all three areas: food, fitness, and compassionate, intentional living.

I have been thinking a lot lately about motivation, as I find myself noticing how widely my mood can swing during the course of a day, and I change mental-emotional states. One morning I can be fired up for the day, think about how lucky I am, make all kinds of plans for projects and trips, and a few hours later can be feeling tired and overwhelmed and without motivation to do anything at all. I notice this at work a lot, but really it applies to other areas of life too. What I came up with (during a less motivated period, even) is that I/we experience life in a series of overlapping and shifting states. These aren't meant to described in words so much, but I could certainly call one of them "post-poor-sleep-but-coffee-rally-happiness", and another "unmotivated-and-down-for-no-reason", and feeling-healthy-happy-and-mellow", or "jacked-up-and-thinking-of-a-million-things I want to do.". Etc etc. So how to live within this context? Is what works bet to manage and control the states, to switch freely between, or simply recognize and accept them? Can one change the tenor of a given state over time? am tying to pay more attention to these.

That's about it for now. A some point soon I will start posting workouts again.

Summer rhythm

This post will be a bit shorter than usual, since I am typing on an iPad and not as used to the keyboard. It's big enough to type in standard fashion, but does require some adjustment. Why typing on an iPad? We are on our old school summer vacation, a three week family road trip extravaganza from Florida to Maine and back.

I've lost track of how far I am into the clean living challenge--probably around day 35 or so---and it is going fine. Even after three days of car travel, I have exercised 2 of those 3 days and only had one unhealthy meal. Yoga and calisthenics are great for the road.

Clean living includes keeping connections with others healthy, and from that perspective things have been great. Because we are driving up the coast, we thought we would visit as many people as we could along the way. So far we have seen family in Savannah, an old high school friend and her family, in Richmond, whom we haven't seen since before either of us had children, and good friends in Providence, where we are now. It is wonderful to actually see people, to meet their kids or see them getting bigger, and to catch up a little bit as the river of time flows by. God I'm feeling poetic. In addition to visiting friends and family, and staying at a beautiful lake for two weeks, our own family is strengthening our connection and developing/reinforcing the rituals that are the backbone of family life.

I'll post some pictures when we get to the lake. I'm off now to do some outdoor yoga in the breeze. More is to come about running and my knee also, since I had my first session with the running physical therapist back in town, and he wants me to revamp my entire stride and form. I've changed long-term habits before, but it's not easy...

Day 28/100: A lotta variety

It's been a good week+ since my last post.  My "clean living" challenge is still on.  The nutrition aspect has been fair.  I've been successful with reduced portions and very few desserts or sweets, although I am still far from true "healthy" eating (whatever that is).  Borrowed and read The Paleo Solution, which was better than expected.  Jess and I may explore the Paleo eating concept more during this 100 days, although I'm not sure it's the ultimate answer in terms of balance and healthy approach.  We will have the opportunity to eat a largely local/organic diet while vacationing this summer, so it might be a good time to experiment.  Exercise and body work are going well also, and I've detailed these below.  Finally, I think I have noticed a change in attitude, a (slightly) more relaxed and accepting approach.  Have others noticed?  Not sure.  I do feel better, but I'm not sure whether that is due more to my intentional changes or to an easier month at work and an upcoming vacation.


The workouts:

Day 20: Mountain Bike ~45 minutes; Yoga 15 minutes (surprisingly intense vinyasa flow)

Day 21: Yoga 30 min, "Yoga 201" on iPad.  This was a very nice practice, with some attention focused on balance poses including crane and sideways crow.  A bit of a breakthrough for me in terms of figuring out what to relax and what to hold in tension in order to achieve balance in these poses.

Tuesday, Day 22: Rest Day.  Although my intent was to do 100 days of yoga in a row, then 100 days of workouts in a row, I accepted a day of rest after 3 hours of sleep the night before and mental/physical tiredness.  I think this was the right thing.

Wednesday, Day 23: Road bike, 21+ miles, 96 degree heat.  Wow, I am somewhat deconditioned but very poorly heat-adapted this summer because I haven't been running.  I rode a familiar course with some very mild hills and got my heart rate up much higher than usual for a short road ride!  So I guess it was a good workout despite the objectively "easy" terrain.  Never underestimate a heat challenge.

Thursday, Day 24: Swim 1200 yards at the good old YMCA.

Friday, Day 25: VO2 Max testing,  Lifting/Calisthenics
This was a really cool day.  I had the opportunity to undergo some metabolic exercise testing on an indoor bike, equipped with oxygen and carbon dioxide sensors.  In addition to estimating my VO2 max (46 ml/kg/min - above average for my age but below average for a good athlete!!), I got a sense of my anaerobic threshold, heart rate response, and several other parameters.  This is actually pretty cool, since I am probably the least cardiovascularly fit I've been in years.  Once I get my knee in line and begin running again, I will repeat this to track progress!
Also did some pull-ups (30), core work (weighted incline situps), and bicep dumbbell sets.

Saturday, Day 26: Yoga 1:05- a fantastic practice from an iPad app ("Fire" TotalYoga TV).  This was the the fastest and most sustained vinyasa progression I've done, along with some inversion and headstand work.  In fact, I've added a few yoga poses to my Fitness Goals list, including headstand and a few others.

Sunday, Day 27: Rest Day.  Best intentions, but long day at work.

Today (Monday), Day 28: Indoor bike power intervals 9 miles / 30 minutes; lift shoulder & triceps (dumbbell work), push-ups, swim planned for tonight.


We are preparing to spend part of the summer at Kezar Lake in Western Maine, where part of Jess's family has gone for decades and where I have had the privilege of joining them now for 10+ years!  This is a relaxing, renewing spot (pictured on the top banner of this blog), and also the site of many a nice run (including a 35 miler around the lake in 2007) and a few nice rides over the years.   This will not be the summer for an epic run, but I am hoping to run a few times, swim some, and generally enjoy the area.

Day 19/100 clean living continues

The last week or so has been a good one for clean living.  My nutritional habits are far from perfect, but in general they have tended towards healthier and smaller portions, with less refined sugar and late-night eating.  Like I said, though, I am far from perfect, as I did enjoy a vintage cola this afternoon.  I had to laugh when I was told it is healthier because it has "real" sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.  If we're going to do something unhealthy but fun, let's just admit it!   I have yet to try fasting but would still like to incorporate it in some fashion.  Perhaps skipping a meal to start?  Finally, I am reading The Paleo Solution, a book about a dietary regimen that several of my friends are following.  So far it is mildly interesting but not earth shattering.  However it is not completely full of shit (yet) so I will keep reading.  Reflecting back, I've read a lot of books like this:  Atkins's original book, one called Breaking the Sugar Addiction (probably the best one), and many vegetarian, vegan, and live food tracts.  It's interesting how they often use the same logic to reach different conclusions.  I think in the end we can approach but never reach some very difficult-to-characterize truth about nutrition that incorporates moderation, healthfulness, variety, and minimizing refined sugars.  Or, perhaps that opinion is uninformed because I have never committed to and tried any of these specific diet plans.

Yoga has been going well, although after about 14 straight days I realized that at this point a daily practice was not the best idea.  Logic as follows: (1) in order to maintain a daily practice, I had time for very little other training, working out, etc.  (2) Because of that, my daily practice had to be fairly vigorous, requiring a lot of standing poses with lunges.  (3) These were irritating my knee.  So, instead, I decided to follow my own nutrition philosophy in a different context, and started practicing moderation and variety.  Here is what I've been up to:

Day 19 (today): Yoga (~1 hour) - "Ashtanga Primary Series" from Yoga Today.  Plenty of vinyasa with some standing poses and forward bends.  Also a nice series in preparation for swinging ("floating") through from downward dog to staff pose and vice versa.  The more I explore yogatoday.com the more I am impressed.  These are some nice practices, and many are available for free on Youtube. I may overcome my cheap instincts and actually buy one from the website too.
Day 18:  Lifting.  This was like an old-school workout for me:
Repeat 4 times:  5 pullups
                         15 pushups (various types)
                         15 weighted incline situps
                         bicep dumbbells (2 sets regular, 2 sets static)
                         tricep dumbbells (2 sets bench DB raises, 2 sets kickbacks)
                         shoulder 1 (2 sets straight arm raise, 2 sets overhead press)
                         shoulder 2 (2 sets upright DB row, 2 sets DB fly)
Bonus set:  5 pullups, 15 pushups, 15 weighted incline situps
Day 17: Swim 1500 yd
Day 16: Yoga 30 minutes. "Yoga for sleep" from YogaYak

Day 15: Indoor bike 12.7 miles / 45 minutes / 106W / 17.1 mph
Dayy 14: Lift back / core / chest at O'Connell Center Gym, Swim 1250 yd. (this was a good workout with friends)

Overall it's been a great week, as I reflect back.  Work is a little slower-paced, allowing some time for reflection and a few more dinners at home.  The kids are all doing well and I am enjoying watching them really start to express their personalities, as well as develop genuine relationships with each other that do not depend on us.  And my wife, of course, is amazing. 

Today we went to the Retirement Home for Horses and fed carrots to horses with a few other families.  Great fun, and I even think I am getting used to the summer heat, finally.

Day 12/100: pleasure in daily activities

Today I got up and had a really nice breakfast with my family (eggs, sausage, bran muffin, watermelon).  It seems like a few years ago we had more of these breakfasts, but as life has gotten more complicated and a little busier, they have become a almost noteworthy events.  Lately, Jess and I both work out in the morning as well, so make mornings more hectic.  Today, however, we both slept in.  I'm not sure why breakfast is such a pleasant time--perhaps because everyone is in a generally good mood and not tired, because the food we eat for breakfast is usually quite tasty, or because sipping coffee provides a nice stimulant kick. 

Then I mowed the lawn, something I enjoy quite a bit.  In the grand scheme of things, this represents the continuation of my journey towards becoming more and more like my father (unequivocally a good thing!).  Today was especially relaxing as it wasn't yet hot and I listened to some music while I mowed.

Yoga practice for today was actually surprisingly intense and novel.  This was a YogaToday youtube video called Twisting Away Tension, which not only had some novel variations on both prayer twist and supine spinal twists, but had a great core section with leg and arm movements while holding boat pose.  I felt great afterwards.  It's still interesting to practice yoga while trying to ignore the distractions of playing and occasionally crying children nearby (somtimes next to or on top of me!).

I read with the kids for a little while, then took Cadien out for a bike lesson.  She has made some really good progress in the last few days, and I think I will be able to take my hand off the seat -- such a metaphorical step! -- before too long.  It's amazing to me, though, how these bike lessons are fatherhood in a microcosm:  a delicate balance of coaching, encouraging, teaching, comforting, and pushing.

Finally, I came to work for the evening.  So far it has been fairly low key but fun to get back to my "roots" as a pediatrician.

Day 11/100: clean living challenge

The clean living challenge continues.  There are three parts, if you recall: "clean" eating, yoga, and general approach to life.  I will discuss each individually (though, of course, they are interconnected).

Eating:

Don't worry, I won't list my daily menu for the last five days.  In general I've been doing ok, but not perfectly.  Transgressions include: beer the other night, a few protein bars (heavily processed), quesadillas and a burrito (processed flour, lots of cheese).  Aside from that, this has been going well.  I think my appetite is more reasonable and I don't experience a sickening feeling of fullness after dinner.  No desserts, and much less unhealthy snacking.

Yoga:

Yoga has been great.  I can feel my alignment and control improving, as well as strength in some specific poses, like shoulder stand, crane, side plank, wheel, and a few others.  Still have to watch my knee during some of the backbends and standing poses (warrior series).  I have also been incorporating some upper body lifting, mostly calisthenics, and I got in the pool for the first time in 4-5 years as well.  It is harder to swim 1000 m than I remember.  The highlight of the yoga series so far was yesterday's practice, a 75 minute series incorporating sun salutations / vinyasa, balance, backbends, hip openers, inversions, and pranayama.  One thing I have noticed more often lately is how much easier it is to engage the practice and keep my mind free from outside distractions and free from a sense of past or present.

General Approach to Life:

I can't say there have been any major breakthoughs or revelations here.  Perhaps minor and incremental changes are really the goal?  In that case, I have noticed a slight relaxation in my approach to the demands of work, a slight increase in my ability to be truly present at home, and some good conversations and thinking about our long term vision, as a family, of where our life is going.


In any case, 11 days of 100 puts this "challenge" in perspective, particularly with regard to yoga.  It is a challenge to do somethign every day, without fail, but I think there is something worthwhile there.  So, more than 10% done and hopefully the benefits will not be linear!

Staycation week

This week has been great.  I took a week vacation with no plans other than to spend time with my family and get a few projects done around the house.  Uncharacteristically, I did not get involved in an elaborate home improvement project, so I really have been enjoying a relaxing week.  The weather has been about the best that Florida has to offer, with cool (by that I mean high 50s or low 60s) mornings with mid-80s during the afternoon.   I had been feeling rather lazy and inactive over the last few weeks, but this week I got plenty done.  I'm also very proud of Jess, who is getting up every morning for the p90x workouts.  I join her, sometimes.  Here is the week so far, in reverse chronological order.

Today: Rest day / Bike 7.5 miles with 35-75 pound load.

I took Rowan in the double bike trailer to pick up Cadien at her new school.  My new mantra is cross-training, so this was a perfect way to spend a low-key day.  Luckily I took the mountain bike, so there were plenty of small gears with which to haul two very substantial children up the best hills Gainesville has to offer.  I have little hope of getting back into my former biking shape, for the next few years anyway, but I really do want to get back into cycling.  I think my ongoing knee problems really re-surfaced as I stopped cycling regularly over the last 2-3 years.  Since my knees were a big part of what caused me to take up triathlon 9 years ago, it may not be a bad idea to retrain my legs and quads.  I won't have the time to slog through 120 mile training rides, but something once weekly in the 20-50 range with a quick indoor bike interval session as well should be feasible.

Wednesday: Yoga 45 minutes; Bike 7.5 miles with 0-40 pound load.

Got up with Jess and did a very free-form yoga practice next to her while she stretched.  After almost two years of yoga I am  able to put together a routine that progresses naturally and feels vigorous, although I'm sure my form does not justify striking out on my own.  This made me feel great all day, and the ride to pick Cadien up in the bike trailer was icing on the cake.  The day was also fantastic, with a very cool morning (don't worry New England friends, I won't dare use the word "crisp") and a warm afternoon. I also sanded the playground this morning - not too bad as it is only 8 months since we installed it!

Tuesday: Run 4.25 miles; Biceps / Pullups

Run 4.25 miles

6 sets of:

   -5 pullups or 5 chinups (1,3,5 pullups; 2,4,6 chinups)

   - one set bicep dumbbell (1&4: bicep curls; 2&5: hammer curls; 3&6: cross-body curls)

This was a good one, and I am still feeling it 48+ hours later.  This workout made me feel that I was pushing through a fog of torpor and re-committing to fitness.

Monday: p90x "Core Synergistics"

I dragged myself out of bed to do this workout with Jess.  It was great.  A lot of plank-based moves, with some weighted lunges/squats.  Would be great to add knees-to-elbows or Turkish get-ups as well but haven't done that yet.

Sunday: Run 5 miles (in Naples, FL).

It was hot.  As usual, though, a great way to explore a new place.  Although I tried to run along the beach, the best I got was a view of some very expensive-looking beachfront property.

The perfect 10

The other day I got it into my head to write about the sublime moments in life -- for example, sitting outside on a perfect evening sipping a beer with friends, watching the kids play together, holding hands with my wife during an unexpected moment together, enjoying a certain breeze or sensation on a pleasant run.  You get the picture.

Then I got to thinking about the "perfect day," which in the pre-lottery winning era goes something like this:  wake up after a good night's sleep, enjoy a hard workout, have a good breakfast and a cup of strong coffee, spend a some time with the family, and head to work or the day's activity.  The great thing about that kind of day is that no matter what happens afterwards, it is hard to mess up a start like that.

But who am I really kidding?  We all know that there is one thing that belongs on both of those lists but is missing because of squeamish social convention:  a nice, "perfect 10" crap.  You know, the kind that starts building at a time when you are both able to go immediately and relaxed enough that it comes out perfectly;  the kind that is substantial and not too hard or soft;  the kind that leaves no mess and barely takes one square of toilet paper.  Even better is the rare but strangely beautiful footlong or thirteen-incher that you have known you are due for for days.  I think the buildup is key -- the physiology of defecation is fascinating, with a complex interplay of neural stimuli that build to the "mass movement" (yes, it really is called this).   We all know that you have to take advantage of the moment, when you can poop it out without straining or pushing, but well before you are crowning and have to let it sneak back up inside.

So many factors play into the perfect 10 that, for me at least, it is not an everyday experience.  Maybe I'll have a few good days in a row (usually weekend or vacation days!), but a good crap on a daily basis is a goal that seems to evaporate when I come too close.  Perhaps that is why it is so sublime.  So I'll pause and enjoy it when I can, suffering through the strained and messy affairs of those other days so I can enjoy one of life's true pleasures.

Trail of Payne and more

My March postings in this blog have been lacking,  though not for lack of desire or (at least mildly) interesting thoughts to share.  I've been busy, mostly with work.  Here is a run down of the month's activities so far:

GARDEN
We planted our family's Spring garden, and our first garden in Florida.  This is our most ambitious one yet, a 12 x 12 foot patch in a sunny part of our backyard.  I tilled the soil with hand tools, took out some roots, and added topsoil, peat moss, organic fertilizer (mostly chicken shit as far as my nose could tell) and some cow manure.  Our own compost will be a periodic addition once it processes a little bit more.  Cadien helped me dig the soil, and both Rowan and Cadien helped plant seedlings today - many herbs, tomatoes, cucumber, beans, blueberry, strawberry, watermelon, broccoli.  We'll add a few more things, and then see what grows well!

RACE
Jess and I ran a trail 10K - the "Trail of Payne" through Payne's prairie - yesterday.  It was a perfect morning, about 60 degrees, and a nice trail.  It was really nice to run a race with no pressure or expectations - in fact we ran together for four miles and then I split off for a couple.  At the finish we ran into people from several areas of our life - work, church, running friends, and other acquaintances.  Brunch afterwards was gut-busting, but fun.

TONY
Jess has started P90X and I am doing it with her, as my knee and work schedule permits.  Maybe this will be the push I need to start getting up early to exercise before work!  (Of course when I did P90X two years ago it was supposed to do the same thing, but I just ended up doing a lot of the workouts in the evening!)  Burpee war has also started again - an Ides of March tradition.

KNEE
Still painful but recovering.  Definitely improved on this recent trail race versus trail runs a few months ago but still quite painful.  Hauling 50 pound bags of soil didn't help.  I'll give it another month or so and perhaps see someone.

DIET?
My weight has crept up to about 10 pounds over my "race weight" - the highest it's been in a long time and probably a good signal to focus on healthful eating.  A good friend of mine fasts once a week but I'm not sure this would work for me.  Just more attention to both quality and quantity.

That was the scattered update.  Life is good.

Back to normal (?)

After a big race there is always a time lag before I really feel normal again.  This has to do with some physical elements, like recovering from the race itself and letting the inflammation subside; some psychological elements, like the short-lived thrill and then the longer lived "what's next?"; and some outside elements like travel last weekend (Disney World), and working and living out of town most weekdays of the last month.  Part of the out-of-town situation has been me eating poorly (meaning well, depending on your point of view!), so salt overload and large meals have been adding to the slow return of normalcy.  We had a great time at Disney World, but it is no way a "normal" place!

After a great weekend at home, though, I finally think I am feeling like myself -- I got to spend a good amount of time with Jess and the kids.  We spent most of Sunday afternoon digging  a garden plot - a 12x12 foot area with many, many tree roots.  Long after the girls lost interest in helping me dig, which they did with enthusiasm for quite a while, I was  preparing for an epic battle with large root systems from two different trees.  My tools were primitive: a shovel, a handsaw, and a hedge trimmer.  I won the battle, I think, and I imagine the tree will be just fine as I barely scratched the surface.  A colleague today asked me: "why didn't you just rent a rototiller for the day" and I am afraid I didn't have a good answer.  Oh well.  We put off the planting for a few more weeks, and I am looking forward to the incredibly long growing season that our new location affords.  I am especially excited about the blueberry bush.

Next race:  the "Trail of Payne" - a local trail 10K through Payne's Prairie.  This will be coming up in a mere two weeks...

I have a lot of ideas about training that I am excited to try out; most involve regular speed/tempo work and building a more stable and permanent running base than I have had in the past.  First and foremost I am going to give this knee a break, and set a deadline to see a sports medicine doc and maybe get an MRI if it is really not a lot better.  I have to admit that I'm not too worried by the whole thing.  All the other injuries have healed on their own, and it will be a cold day in hell before I let a surgeon touch my knee for an inflammatory problem.

The race approacheth

Today (Saturday): 7.8 miles (on trails in San Felasco state park) ~ 10:00 pace

This was a nice comfortable run with friends on a familiar trail, in crisp weather at sunrise.  Sound perfect, you say?  It was not bad.  As usual with a familiar run, the psychologic topology was more varied and interesting than the physical topology.  In keeping with an unintentional and undesired habit in life, I will sometimes picture difficulties and problems with a race well in advance of the race itself.  If I feel tired for a moment in a training run, I may picture myself feeling very tired at mile 22 of the marathon itself -- negative visualization, as it were.  But, these moments are an opportunity to practice running through (vanquishing or learning to accept, depending on one's mindset) these unwanted thoughts.  It is a little silly to have thoughts like this before the actual event, but that is part of what I must learn to accept!

Anyway it was a nice run, and a fitting way to begin the true "taper" week before the race.  As I've mentioned, I have not trained as hard as I would have liked and so have a gentler taper than otherwise, but this is still a week of light exercise, reflection, and positive visualization.  The training I've done has been good, solid training, both long runs and some speedwork, so this has the potential to be an excellent marathon.

After the run this morning I stopped at Uppercrust (excellent bakery), got coffee and pastries, and went home to a wonderful greeting from my family.  Next weekend we have relatives coming to town (including my brother in law who is going to run the race too) and some good times planned with friends, many of whom are also running.  Not bad at all, I think.

----

Wed - Fri: nothing at all as I was mostly flat on my back with a flu-like illness (now  more or less fully recovered).

Mellow week

This was a pretty mellow training week.  Partly this is a continued and ill-advised effort at athletic schizophrenia (training and rehabbing at the same time), but partly the training is just mellowing out as the race approaches.  Race date Feb 19th.

Today (Sunday): Four mile run, easy pace
Saturday: rest day, although I played a little Wii Fit
Friday: Four mile tempo run (1 warmup, 3 at tempo) - this was a good run
Thursday: rest
Wednesday: yoga
Tuesday: rest
Monday: Four mile run, recovery pace

We had a great visit this weekend with some friends in Tampa (a friend from high school and her husband whom she met in college, so I've known them for about 20 years!) who now have three children and are quite happy and nicely settled in.  We enjoyed their company as well as a pirate-themed festival called Gasparilla.  There is nothing like visiting old friends, sharing food and wine, and watching our kids play together to really make one appreciate life in its simplicity, good fortune, and happiness.  This is far more important than any race or run.

Back in the game

Today: Core, pullups, and back - calisthenic workout

Fun recovery workout in sunny 60 degree weather with a breeze!


Yesterday: 22 mile run (3:37)

This was a great run for me.  The time and pace were much slower than I was targeting when I created my training plan months ago - rather than shooting for a PR in the upcoming marathon I will have to struggle to bring it in under 4 hours -- but in light of my trick knee and the painful last long run I had, it was a blazing success.  (And now, ladies and gentlemen, the reprisal of "Jeremy's injury blog").   As you may know, for the last three weeks I've been trying to let my knee heal from the mysterious acute-on-chronic intraarticular injury that has ranged from annoyance to show-stopper.  This has probably been my most successful such "forced rest" period ever, both in execution and in result.  I limited workouts to yoga, upper body lifting, and fairly light cycling, running only once early this week to test out how things were going.  So in three weeks I've run exactly once.  I also took a good anti-inflammatory course of ibuprofen, and have been icing at least once daily.

So, yesterday I ran with a group of about six people whose pace was a bit slower than mine but who made great company.  The weather was in the mid 40s, and as the sun rose the temperature stayed cool, making for ideal long-run conditions.  I ran a mile or so to the park where we started (good old Westside park!), then about 10 miles with the group, 3 miles with a smaller subset of the group, and then 8 miles on my own.  Ever since Thanksgiving I've really enjoyed the format where I run part of a long run with a group, and then more on my own.  With this group and the outstanding conditions, the first half of this run felt like an easy and carefree stroll through the park.  There is nothing like good conversation on a run, especially when it involves a friendly but vigorous debate -- I admit that I took the bait and jumped in on this one.  Although my knee hurt on the downhills, for most of the first fifteen miles I didn't feel it at all, and it didn't really hurt until the last two or three miles of the whole run.

The second, alone, part of the run was equally nice, complete with a nice loop, cool weather, and a fruitless search for water at an elementary school.  I guess they have to keep a fence around the whole school these days, but it sure isn't good for us runners...  During the last few miles I took a loop around the neighborhood I grew up in, and I thought about the story of each house and the family that inhabited it.  I have to admit that, physically, I felt really good for the vast majority of this run.  The last few miles required a little pushing and my knee did ache, but this is familiar territory.  Beyond sheer good luck, I hope this has something to do with the base-building I did back in October and November.

The really remarkable part of the run was the mental calm, and the lack of struggle.  Despite a multi-loop run which passed nearly by my house three times (a setup for early bail-out), I didn't once think of stopping, walking, shortening the run, or not doing the upcoming race.  These thoughts are the norm for me in any run longer than 15 miles or so (and many runs shorter than that!), and part of the satisfaction and challenge of running is dealing with them and continuing.  If I were to try and explain why this one was different, I suppose I could come up with a few concrete things:  a virtual taper because I was resting my knee, careful attention to nutrition/hydration/salt, starting the run with friends, perfect weather.  But, I won't try to over-explain, and will count this as one of my favorite long runs in recent memory.  The pace was slow (and looking over my splits I really can't blame this on the group I ran with!), but it felt so good.

The happy day-after note is that my knee still feels good.  Good is, of course, a relative term, but I think it is getting better regardless of what I do, and I am looking forward to a good marathon.

--

On a side note, I have to mention that I have been struggling quite a lot with not only my professional direction but the whole notion of who I am, how to live my life, and how to truly place my family first.  I suppose we all entertain thoughts and doubts periodically, but this has been a time of particular up-and-down emotion.  I have to wonder how this intersects with running and training, considering that it came to a head shortly after a very nice holiday break (that culminated in a challenging long run) followed by two weeks of fairly hard work with absolutely no running.   There is always something of a let-down after a good race or even long training run, but the effect was amplified many times by life and emotional substrate.  Food for thought.

New Years Resolutions and Fitness Goals

This post marks a year of keeping this blog going -- a succesful resolution from last New Year, which was to do some (any!) writing on a regular basis.  I have no literary pretensions but I am happy to have put some thoughts to virtual paper.

New Years Resolutions/Goals for 2011 - outward focus
1) Presence.
2) Develop the less cynical, humbler, and less judgmental self.
3) Meet Jess's needs and wants before my own.
4) Garden and eat the food!

Fitness and well-being goals for 2011 - inward focus

1) Maintain consistently healthful diet - devise a sustainable way to deal with temptations, convenience, etc.

     - This includes reducing caffeine intake to a reasonable level.
2) Regular yoga to lead to meditation alone.
3) Real periodization of training. (i.e. approach it like real training!)

3) Regular cycling and leg strength training to begin after February marathon, to prevent recurrence of knee injury

4) Regular speed/tempo training (running).

6) Repeat p90x with Jess!! (Start date: mid-March)

7) Plan +/- train for ultramarathons to progress to 100 mile run.

8) Less drama about getting up for pre-dawn workouts - just do it.

Finally, here are the elements of weekly training, each to be included based on the focus for the week:

Runs:  speed interval, tempo, hill/power, trail, long run, recovery run

Leg strength/injury prevention: cycling, plyometrics, static leg exercises (lunges, squats, etc.)

Yoga

Upper body and core resistance training: core/back, pullups/back, pushups/chest, shoulder, tricep, bicep.

Meeting all of these goals/resolutions/plans will be difficult but worthwhile to try!

TODAY:

20 mile run (3:07:36, 9:22 avg)
What a way to ring in the New Year!  This was a good old-fashioned long run, done by myself with a pre-dawn start.  I had to dig deep here, folks, fighting off the usual cast of demons and voices that would have me stop, turn back early, walk, or simply give up running altogether.  In fact, this was a beautiful but gritty run.  The morning was cool but not cold, and I must have seen 10 or so deer on the roads and trails.  I did an out and back course, from my house to a forest with some nice running trails.  The "effort map" of the run was as up and down as any elevation map, with a low (difficult) point around miles 3-6, a high point from miles 9-11 as I was running on trails and passing the halfway point, and then a sustained low from miles 14-16.  Mile 16 I stopped for water at a local park, and the four miles home were mentally easy but physically very challenging.  I don't mind gritting my teeth and getting it done, but I don't usually have to grit this much!  I dug deep at and made the last mile the fastest of the run.

The significance of this run (for me, at this time) is that I have some confidence about the upcoming marathon (~Feb 19th).  Paradoxically this will allow me to take a few easy (?off) weeks to let my knee recover from whatever injury is not really getting better.  One could argue that this run was not the wisest move, and I could not refute that argument.  Nonetheless, I am proud of the run and feel good about it.

It will be a challenge to come in under 4 hours, but I think I can do it.