The other day I got it into my head to write about the sublime moments in life -- for example, sitting outside on a perfect evening sipping a beer with friends, watching the kids play together, holding hands with my wife during an unexpected moment together, enjoying a certain breeze or sensation on a pleasant run. You get the picture.
Then I got to thinking about the "perfect day," which in the pre-lottery winning era goes something like this: wake up after a good night's sleep, enjoy a hard workout, have a good breakfast and a cup of strong coffee, spend a some time with the family, and head to work or the day's activity. The great thing about that kind of day is that no matter what happens afterwards, it is hard to mess up a start like that.
But who am I really kidding? We all know that there is one thing that belongs on both of those lists but is missing because of squeamish social convention: a nice, "perfect 10" crap. You know, the kind that starts building at a time when you are both able to go immediately and relaxed enough that it comes out perfectly; the kind that is substantial and not too hard or soft; the kind that leaves no mess and barely takes one square of toilet paper. Even better is the rare but strangely beautiful footlong or thirteen-incher that you have known you are due for for days. I think the buildup is key -- the physiology of defecation is fascinating, with a complex interplay of neural stimuli that build to the "mass movement" (yes, it really is called this). We all know that you have to take advantage of the moment, when you can poop it out without straining or pushing, but well before you are crowning and have to let it sneak back up inside.
So many factors play into the perfect 10 that, for me at least, it is not an everyday experience. Maybe I'll have a few good days in a row (usually weekend or vacation days!), but a good crap on a daily basis is a goal that seems to evaporate when I come too close. Perhaps that is why it is so sublime. So I'll pause and enjoy it when I can, suffering through the strained and messy affairs of those other days so I can enjoy one of life's true pleasures.
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Hahahhahahaha. I was so into your perfect day that I had to go back and re-read the the beginning of the 2nd paragraph once I was half-way through. A couple year ago, Matt heard about the "leap diet" on NPR and we went to a nutritionist and followed the plan for a couple months (http://whatissharondoingnow.wordpress.com/2009/02/14/if-you-are-what-you-eat-then-im-a-big-strawberry/).
ReplyDeleteI have to say that it did clear up a lot of bowel issues I'd been dealing with. (Not that I'd really thought about it at the time, but sometimes it takes someone else in your life to point out that something's not normal.) Now when I have issues, I know I just need to clean up my eating + exercise and normalcy returns.