Where to go from here / states

It continues to be a little bit odd to write a blog that has been about running when I haven't really been able to run in nearly four months. It's not that I don't have other things that I think about or want to write about, but the format seems to have lost its glue. I debated ending the blog entirely, putting it completely on hold until I am running again (if?), or some other dramatic gesture. But the reality is that running is just a means to an end, as much as I like it, and the blog is really about staying fit and trying to capture some meaningful and interesting moments in life.

So, what has been going on with my running? I have been continuing with physical therapy, including standard and like stretching and building strength in those sneaky weak muscle groups. But I have also been working on radically changing my running for, to something like a combination of the POSE technique, chi running, and the trendy barefoot running techiques that are out there. I suppose progress is difficult to measure when you are building from the ground up, but I have felt a natural flow s times with the new form, and can see how this could work well in the long run. Not bad, I suppose for changing a decade worth of cerebellar neural connections. So, in order, my goals are simply to be able to run again for fun and fitness, to be able to run mid or long distances and return to marathons, and to pursue the long term goal of running a 100 miler in the next 5-10 years. We shall see, but I haven't given up yet by a long shot.

In the meanwhile I have been continuing to explore yoga, lifting/calisthenics, cycling, and swimming. I haven't forgotten the 100 day clean living challenge, although the first 35 days were more successful than days 36-70. Put in the context of summer vacation, though, I suppose staying reasonably fit and eating reasonably well is success after all, even if I am no closer to returning to "race weight" now than on day 1. I will tell you that reconnecting with friends and family, which was really the unifying theme of our vacation, did resonate with the spiritual / intentional living portion of the clean living challenge, so in the last 30 days I will commit to getting back on track in all three areas: food, fitness, and compassionate, intentional living.

I have been thinking a lot lately about motivation, as I find myself noticing how widely my mood can swing during the course of a day, and I change mental-emotional states. One morning I can be fired up for the day, think about how lucky I am, make all kinds of plans for projects and trips, and a few hours later can be feeling tired and overwhelmed and without motivation to do anything at all. I notice this at work a lot, but really it applies to other areas of life too. What I came up with (during a less motivated period, even) is that I/we experience life in a series of overlapping and shifting states. These aren't meant to described in words so much, but I could certainly call one of them "post-poor-sleep-but-coffee-rally-happiness", and another "unmotivated-and-down-for-no-reason", and feeling-healthy-happy-and-mellow", or "jacked-up-and-thinking-of-a-million-things I want to do.". Etc etc. So how to live within this context? Is what works bet to manage and control the states, to switch freely between, or simply recognize and accept them? Can one change the tenor of a given state over time? am tying to pay more attention to these.

That's about it for now. A some point soon I will start posting workouts again.